Do you think they applaud in the bedroom, too?
The lovers kiss onstage.
Audience: Whooo hoo! Applause Oww! Cheering
Spotlight Operator: “Man, this is a horny audience.”
*Submitted by akanymous
Shallow and Pedantic
Light Board Op: ”Automation said LX 3 isn’t responding, so it’s cut from this scene.”
Spot: ”Without LX 3, I find this scene shallow and pedantic…Shallow and pedantic.”
*Submitted by aKAnymous
My high school once did a production of Midsummer Night’s Dream, and we decided there needed to be blood somewhere. During Pyramus’ faux death scene, we had him rip open his shirt and exaggeratedly prick the 12 water balloons filled with fake blood. (Yes, 12. We go overboard sometimes. It was funny.) Most of the run was outdoors, and the trick worked well. Nothing funnier than completely overacting with 12 squibs. However, the last night, it rained a ton, and we moved the production inside to our back-up space. All was fine until we reached the play scene and the actor dramatically popped all 12 balloons filled with blood. They got all over the floor, which, as it turns out, was actually tile- not the dirt we had been on outside. There was no scene change between that moment and the end of the play, so the ensemble was forced to perform on the same, blood-covered area, because the crew couldn’t get on to clean it up.
It turns out that fake blood on tile floors is really slippery.
The entire rest of the crazy, energetic, show was filled with actors running across the floor saying lines and dramatically falling everywhere. Almost every one of the actors fell at least once, many in the classic banana-peel slip manner. The fast-paced, extensively-practiced scene turned into a mass of actors falling everywhere but still keeping the scene going at normal pace, while the audience heard none of the lines because they were all laughing too hard.
I was the light board op for that show, and the director was sitting next to me, clutching her side in pain from too much laughing, while I desperately tried to pay attention to the lines being said. Our booth is in a weird place, so you can’t actually see the floor when you’re sitting at the board. Because of this, all we could see was the actors slipping and disappearing behind the seats, then reappearing a moment later, while they continued to say their lines the whole time. Needless to say, it was one of the funniest things that I’ve ever seen.
We finally make it to the end of the show, and get a standing ovation for our valiant efforts to hold the show together. My director finally remembered how to breathe normally, and just turns to me and says, “I have the best job in the whole world. I’m actually getting paid to do this.”
She then went back to cracking up.
*Submitted by oncelit
But They’re Laughing and Pointing
Clowns face the audience, look up and point at something.
Spot Op: They’re looking at me.
LX: They’re acting.
*Submitted by akanymous
Losing His Head
Spot: “Oh please oh please not now”
spotlight shakes violently for a second
Spot: “Ugh, sorry for losing his head.”
Spot: “I sneezed.”
Lead: “Bless you.”
*Submitted by akanymous
Setting: A high school theater tech weekend.
Director: All right! We still have lots to do, but we need to eat lunch! Actors, if you’re not doing anything, go ahead and eat!
A few minutes later.
Director: OK, all the actors can go eat. And I guess you guys who are painting can go ahead and take a break.
A couple more minutes
Director: Great! Everyone but (lighting designer), (sound designer), (stage manager) and (assistant stage manager), go get lunch! You have 20 minutes!
A few more minutes
Director: Oh, I guess you guys have to eat too. Umm…go ahead and see if there’s any food left. You have 5 minutes.
Stage Manager: They’ve already let people get seconds. There’s not going to be anything but very sad lettuce left.
LD: But we got so much done! It was a very productive break.
*Submitted by Anonymous
westbysouthwest said: Re: Directing Blogs. I also agree with the anonymous message. I worked for five years as a stage manager, and recently transitioned into a directing career. I dislike the constant director-hate I see on theatre blogs. As a stage manager, I had the opportunity to work with so many gifted directors, that eventually inspired me to become one myself. Hopefully, there will be some awesome stage directing blogs in the future!
Anonymous said: can you recommend any director-positive backstage blogs? a lot of the big ones, like q2q, have this stereotypical view of the director as the unrealistic artsy person ruining things for the hardworking techies, and I've SMed/ASMed/produced/LDed so I KNOW some directors are like that, but I still don't like the constant negativity.
Unfortunately (or fortunately for my wallet), I don’t have much time to peruse the tumbls for new blogs. Hopefully new stuff gets reblogged across my dash and then I go inspect it.
Can anyone else be of more help than me?